Dragon Ball: Gender Bent
by Loverofheroes
Summary: Also known as Dragon Ball GB, this is a retelling of the Dragon Ball universe, except every main chararcter is born of the different gender. So, it's basically "Universe 63", if going by DB Multiverse standards. Will or may go through DB to DBZ
1. Prologue

**Dragon Ball GB ("Gender Bent")**

**A fanfiction written by Christopher .J.**

**"Dragon Ball" created by Akira Toriyama**

**This is non-profit fan-based work. Dragon Ball and all characters are owned by Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, Viz Media and FUNimation**

In the deep reaches of space, a spiky, blacked haired woman, wearing a strange suit of armor and filled with blood, faces a strange creature that resembles a female, but with horns on top of it's head, has a tail and is setting in a floating space rider. The woman looks at the creature with the intent to kill.

"So, Lady Freeza", said the woman "It all comes down to this." The creature known as Lady Freeza looks at the woman with sheer boredom. She also begins to form a giant orb of energy. The woman continues speaking "Me, Planet Vegeta, my comrades…and my daughter! For all of them, I will destroy you!" The woman soon forms a ball of energy and prepares to throw it at Lady Freeza.

"THIS IS OUR PLANET…AND WE STILL LIVE HERE!" the woman screamed at the top of her lungs as she threw the ball right at the orb. However, the ball disintegrates as Lady Freeza throws the orb right into the woman and a platoon of alien soldiers. The woman screams as the orb engulfs her, as well as the planet Vegeta.

"Huh?" said the woman as she lays dying. She sees a vision of a woman resembling her, except wearing an orange gi with a blue undershirt and belt, facing against Lady Freeza. The woman begins to display a smile. "Kaka.." she thought "..you will be the one to defeat Freeza. You will avenge our race! KAKA!" As the woman dies, a space pod races towards the stars and onto an unknown destination…

Now, we are at a forest filled with luscious trees, beautiful flowers and loads of animals. An eldery woman wearing a yellow Chinese outfit and carrying a bucket is walking to the forest, whistling a happy tune. However, she stops once she hears a crash.

***CRASH!***

"Oh, my!" cried the old woman as she rushes to investigate the disturbance. She treads through bush to bush until she sees the wrecked space pod and a crying, spiky haired baby girl on the ground.

"A baby?" the woman began to question herself "Who on Earth would leave a baby out on the forest all alone?" The old woman picks up the crying baby and calms it down by tickling it. The baby begins to laughs, and the old woman laughs as well.

"Aren't you just adorable?" said the woman. Soon, she and the baby walk away from the crash site. "You know what, little one?" said the old woman. "When we get home, you can be my granddaughter. Yes, you can be my little Son Goku."

** And thus, a new story begins as an old one ends….**

**Characters shown here:**

Barda (Fem!Bardock)

Lady Freeza (Fem!Freeza, though not really a gender, but resembles a female, other than her "male" counterpart.)

Grandma Goha (Fem!Grandpa Gohan)


	2. Boxers and the Monkey Queen

**Dragon Ball GB ("Gender Bent")**

**A fanfiction written by Christopher .J.**

**"Dragon Ball" created by Akira Toriyama**

**This is non-profit fan-based work. Dragon Ball and all characters are owned by Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, Viz Media and FUNimation**

**Chapter One: "Boxers and the Monkey Queen."**

**A long, long time ago in a deep dark forest far from civilization, beyond a towering range of…well, you get the idea. Anyway, this tale is about a little girl who was once lost in a forest as a baby. The baby was found by Son Goha, a female martial artist and became the baby's grandmother. What made Son Goku different from other little girls was that this one had the strength of at least 5 men. Therefore, she was taught by her grandmother the ways of the martial artist. However, as Son Goha died, Goku had to fend for herself in the forests of Mt. Pazou. And in this forest, is where our adventure begins….**

In a forest somewhere down the mountains, a little, spiky, blacked haired girl with a monkey's tail and wearing a light blue gi with red pants underneath is rolling down a pathway on top of a log, like a lumber jack. She catches the eye of a family of monkeys.

"Hey, guys! How's it goin'?" said little Son Goku to the monkeys. She giggles as she heads down to a little hut. Later, Goku stares at the log and goes into a fighting position. She then runs up the log, grabs it and throws it up into the air. She then kicks the log and it breaks into many pieces.

"Well, that takes care o' the woodchoppin'" said Goku as she gathers all the pieces and stacks them up. "Only now, I'm hungry." she complained. She enters the hut and looks at an orange ball with four red stars on it. Goku bows down to the ball and enters a prayer position.

"Hey, gran'ma" Goku called the ball. "I'm gonna go get me somethin' to eat now. I'll be back soon." Goku leaves the hut. Soon, somewhere far from the hut, a lavender-haired young man, who looks to be about 16 and wearing a t-shirt that says "Bloomer", is seen standing near his car, as if he's searching for something.

"Got to be right around…here" said the young man. He looks at a strange contraption he is holding and pushes a button. It makes a beeping sound.

"Or maybe a little more to the west? Anyway, I'm close!" The young man hops into his car and drives off. Now, Goku is seen walking to a cliff. Down, she sees a giant lake. "Well, looks like I'm gonna have fish tonight!" she said before leaping off the cliff. Goku soon grabs a tree branch and swings and lands on a nearby rock. Goku begins to strip herself nude and dips her tail into the water.

A fish is swimming around until it sees Goku's tail, thinking it's a worm. "Huh?" said the fish. "All right! Som' dinner!" The fish leaps out of the water, and Goku jumps up and kicks the fish, killing it. Later, Goku, with her clothes on, is dragging the fish back to her hut.

"Wotta catch! Wotta catch!" said Goku as she giggles. However, her giggles stop as she hears a strange noise coming from the pathway. "Huh? What's that?" questioned the little monkey-girl. Soon, the car the young man from earlier was driving is headed straight towards Goku.

"AHHH!" screeched Goku! "WAA!" screamed the young man as the car skids across the road, narrowly missing Goku. "Hey, stupid!" screamed the boy. "Watch where your going!" After a brief moment of daze, Goku gets angry. "So, a monster, eh?" screamed Goku. "Tryin' to snatch my dinner from me?" Soon, Goku lifts the car up and throws it at least two blocks from her. She grabs a red pole from her back and stands as if ready to fight.

"Well, come on you coward! C'mon and fight!" screamed Goku. The boy comes up from the wreckage with a small pistol and begins shooting at Goku. "Eat lead, demon!" cried the boy as he continuously shoots at the little monkey-girl. As she lies on the ground, seemingly dead, the boy displays a quick sense of remorse. "Oh, no" said the boy, quietly and remorsefully "I killed that kid."

However, Goku gets back up on her feet and moans in pain. The boy appears surprised that the little girl had survived. "Wh..What the hell?" asked the boy with a sense of fright. "Why aren't you dead? I…I just shot at you!" Goku huffs and says "Stupid! Y'think those little ouches can hurt me? My skin is tough as the toughest stone! Now, prepare to die, witch!" Goku leaps up into a fighting position and yells a battle cry. Soon, the boy drops his gun, raises his hands up and says "HEY, LOOK! I'M NOT A MONSTER OR A WITCH! I'M A HUMAN!"

Goku soon stops dead on her tracks in amazement. "Huh? A human?" Goku said. "Really?" The boy steps out of the wreckage. "Yeah, silly." said the boy. "Take a gander." Goku investigates the boy, checking if he's telling the truth.

"Well", said Goku. "You kinda look like me, but…somethin's different. Your look flatter, leaner…and a lot less bumpier." The boy, annoyed at the monkey-girl's naivety, huffs. "Well, no duh, Nancy Drew!" said the boy. "Your a little feral girl, and I'm a handsome boy!" Goku stands shocked and amazed. "B..Boy? You mean….a male?" asked Goku.

"Well, duh!" said the boy. "Surely you seen a boy before." "Are you kidding?" said Goku. "I've never seen another human before. But, my dead granma always told me, 'when you meet a boy, treat 'em nice'" The boy stands flattered. "Well", said the boy. "you'd make a good wife one day. Now, shouldn't you get started." Goku soon turns the back of the purple-haired boy. "So, males don't have tails, huh?" said Goku. "Man, that's weird." The boy stands a bit shocked, and then laughs. "Pff! What a bimbo!" thought the boy. "She probably thinks wearing that stupid fake tail makes her look sexy!"

Goku walks over to the boy's car and stares at it. "So, what kinda monster didja catch anyway?" The boy sighs. "That 'monster' happens to be my car." explained the boy. "Wow!" exclaimed Goku as she jumps uptop the young man's car.

"So, this is a car. Grannma told me all about these, but I've never seen one before. And, as of right now, I'm not really impressed." Goku jumps down from the car and looks up at the boy. "Say, mister" said Goku. "are you from 'civilization'?" The boy answers "Well, let's just say I'm from way, way far west." Goku soon picks up her fish and begins to walk towards the hut. "Well, come over to my place" said Goku. "Since your boy, you're probably hungry, so I'll feed you." The boy soon follows Goku to the hut.

"You know, for a little girl, you're pretty strong" said the boy. "Yeah" said Goku. "Granma trained me good!" The boy flashes a smile across his face, as he has a thought about what to do with Goku: "She may be some freaky tomboy, but I think I can use her strength to my advantage." The duo reaches Goku's hut. Goku enters the place, as does the boy. Goku soon goes on her knees in-front of the orange ball. "Granma, look!" said Goku. "It's a male! A real-life human male from civilization in our house!"

The boy stares at the orb with some interest, until…"HEY!" cried the boy. "That's it! The Dragon Ball!" The boy rushes over little Goku and grabs the orb he calls a "dragon ball." "This is it!" cried the boy! "I knew it! The scouter was right on!" But, Goku angrily grabs on to the boy and yells "HEY! LEGGO OF MY GRANMA!" The boy stands confused. "This ball was her last, most prized possession! Even boys weren't allowed to touch it!" said Goku. The boy sighs and says "Oh, well. Looks like I gotta tell you my little secret."

The boy pulls out two other orange orbs, one with two red stars and the other five! "Voila!" exclaimed the boy. Goku stands with sheer amazement. "Wow!" said Goku. "Two Granmas!" "No, stupid!" said the boy rather rudely. "These things are called 'Dragon Balls', and if your thinking about the actual balls of a dragon, then keep your mind out of the gutter! These orbs are part of a collection of seven mystical artifacts. From my research, I have learned that when your gather all seven balls together, a magical dragon will come out to grant one wish, and it can be anything!" Goku is amazed at the boy's story. "I found one of them in my cellar." said the boy. "Before my research, I didn't even know where this came from….and neither did anyone I asked."

"Granma has a ball with four stars" said Goku. "Yes," repiled the boy. "That's the Four-Star Ball, 'Sushinchu'. The one I found was the Two-Star Ball, or 'Arushinchu' and this baby right here is the Five-Star Ball, 'Oshinchu'. I've spent weeks trying to find these balls." Goku is amazed that the boy had made such a seemingly perilous journey. "So, what's your gonna wish for once you find all these balls?" asked Goku. "Well," the boy said. "I was gonna wish for a lifetime supply of strawberries, but now, I think I'm gonna wish for one super-sexy girlfriend!" The boy blushes and giggles at the thought of it. Goku, angry that the boy had taken such a fantastic journey to make such a crazy wish, grabs the Four-Star Ball away from him. "No way!" cried Goku. "I'm not gonna let you take Granma away just to a make a dumb wish like that! She's the only one I got left!" The boy is now angry that Goku is keeping him from his quest, but regains composure and looks at the girl with a sly smile.

"Oh" said the boy, with a bit of huskiness in his voice and as he puffs up his chest. "I think I might know what a girl like you might want. You said haven't seen a boy before, right?" Goku stands confused, but nods. "Well" repiled the boy, who rolls up his sleeve and makes a muscle, which is quite small considering his skinny build. "if you hand over that ball, I'll let ya feel my arm. Heck, I might even give you a peek of my abs." "Huh?" said Goku. "Why would I wanna touch your wimpy-looking arm?"

The boy is now furious as he says "IT IS NOT WIMPY, YOU RUDE LITTLE TOMBOY!" The boy regains composure again, but not by much, as he says "Look, your grandma told you be nice to boys, right?" Goku nods. "Okay then!" said the boy. "You can join me in my quest!" Goku stands confused. "You wan' me to go with ya?" asked Goku. "Why'd you ask!" asked the boy. "Your a jungle girl! Aren't you supposed to love quests?" "Well," said Goku, and during a brief pause. "Okay, I'll go with you. But, I'm not letting you take granma!"

"All right, all right!" said the boy. "I'll just borrow it at the very end, okay?" The boy laughs deviously as he thinks: Yes, perfect! Moron-Girl will be the perfect bodyguard! *sigh* I feel like such a wimp for letting a girl handle all the physical stuff. But, she is strong and I need that. Besides, she doesn't even know that once the wish is granted….the Dragon Ball'll fly off to the ends of the Earth!"

"Well, let's get going!" said the boy. "Hey, um, mister?" said Goku. "How are we gonna find the Dragon Balls if we don't know where they are?" The boy laughs arrogantly. "I ain't just a handsome face, y'know!" said the boy, as he pulls out the strange digital device he carried before. "This is my 'Dragon Ball' Scouter! This device can pick up the faint electromagnetic pulse of the balls. As you can see, there are three in the middle, which are the ones we have now, and the next closest is to the west, which is about 1,200 kilometers."

"Cool!" said Goku. "But, how are we gonna get there?" "Well," said the boy. "since you destroyed my car, I'll have to take out a new one." The boy pulls out a little container. However, he turns to the monkey-tailed girl and he asks "By the way, what's your name, kid?" "I'm Goku. Son Goku" answered the girl. "What's yours?" The boy soon begins to feel embarrassed and groans. "Um…" said the boy. "Bloomer." Goku starts laughing hysterically. "'Bloomer?' What kinda name is that for a boy?"

"SHUT UP!" screamed the boy. "I DIDN'T PICK THIS NAME!" Soon, Goku starts singing a song, which repeats his name. Bloomer stands quite angry as he thinks. "Damn it! This is why I ain't planning on ever having kids!" He soon opens up his container, which carries small little capsules with numbers on them. "Let's see" said Bloomer, who is trying his best to shrug off Goku's obnoxious teasing. "Ah, Number 9!"

Bloomer grabs the capsule that says "number 9", pushes a tiny button on top and throws it into the air.

***BOM!***

The little capsule explodes out a motorbike. Goku stands shocked and terrified! "EEK!" screeched Goku. "I KNEW IT! YOUR ARE A WITCH!" Bloomer just sighs as he gets on the bike. "Ah, give it a rest, Ape-Woman!" said Bloomer. "Everybody where I come from got Hoi-Poi Capsules. Now go swing your tail up here, brat!" Goku hops on the motorbike and they drive off. "EEE-YOW! WOW!" screamed Goku, surprised at how fast the motorbike's going.

**And thus begins the many adventures Bloomer and Son Goku will have. In fact, up next comes an incredible chapter of our story. Just stay put!**

**(okay, if your confused, the bold text means that they're is a narrator talking and the bold text with * * stand for sound effects.)**

**Characters shown here:**

Bloomer Briefs (Male!Bulma)

Son Goku/Kaka (Fem!Goku/Kakarot)


	3. Goku to the Rescue!

**Dragon Ball GB ("Gender Bent")**

**A fanfiction written by Christopher .J.**

**"Dragon Ball" created by Akira Toriyama**

**This is non-profit fan-based work. Dragon Ball and all characters are owned by Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, Viz Media and FUNimation**

**Chapter Two: Goku to the Rescue**

** Where last left our heroes just a couple of minutes ago, they're riding on their Hoi-Poi Capsule motorbike to go off on an exciting. Before you ask, yes, it's gonna be a short chapter, folks.**

Bloomer and Goku are seen riding through the forest. They come across a steep hill and the motorbike flies through the air, Both the boy and the monkey girl scream. Luckily, they land safely.

"Man, that was incredible!" said the excited Goku. "You actually made us fly!" Bloomer stammers bit, but says "Y-Yeah! Pr-Pretty good, huh?" "I didn't think that hill would be that steep" thought Bloomer. Soon, the monkey-tailed girl jumps out of the car and heads to the forest, before turning to Bloomer.

"Hey," said Goku. "I'm gonna go pee. I'll be right back" "All right, but don't take long." said Bloomer as Goku went deep into the forest. Soon, about 15 minutes had passed, and Bloomer stands impatiently waiting for Goku. "Damn it!" thought Bloomer. "Where the hell is that goon? I told her not to take long! *sigh* I'd better go find her." Bloomer heads deep to the forest to find Goku.

"Goku?" shouted Bloomer. "Goku? Where are you?" As Bloomer continues to head straight into the forest, he finally sees Goku….and a giant pterodactyl holding her in it's giant arms. Bloomer is frightened by the sight.

"Hi, Bloomer" said Goku, who is smiling and waving, as if she doesn't realize what's going on. "Who are you, boy?" screamed the pterodactyl. "Are you part of her pact?" Bloomer is shaking with fear. "Um…N-no! She's j-just some friend of mine *glup*" said Bloomer. Soon, the pterodactyl flies off with Goku as it's hostage. Bloomer soon stands his ground and runs back to his motorbike.

"I gotta save Goku!" thought Bloomer as he drove off. "How else am I gonna get through this god-forsaken forest without her?" We now see the pterodactyl flying with Goku in its arms, and she seems quite bored.

"Say, mister" said Goku. "Where you taking me?" The pterodactyl looks down on her. "Oh, I'm taking you to dinner" said the monster. Goku now looks quite excited at the thought of eating. "Really?" said Goku. "What's for dinner?" "YOU!" said the pterodactyl. Goku begins to slowly process what it just said. Then, she leaps up, releasing herself from it's grasp and kicks it. The pterodactyl moans in pain. While below, Bloomer is watching the whole show, amazed again at the young girl's strength.

Soon while up in the air, Goku pulls out her red stick. "Okay, Power Pole!" said Goku. "EXTEND!" The Power Pole grows 5 inches and she hits the pterodactyl, breaking it's point on it's head. Soon. Goku begins to fall to the ground, but she extends her power pole and she sildes down safely.

"Wow, that was fun!" said Goku. Bloomer is on his knees and their is a puddle beneath him. "Hey, Bloomer." greeted Goku. "Why are your pants making a puddle?" "SHUT UP!" screamed the boy, embarrassed that he had just peed his pants.

**Hey, remember that old story involving some Monkey King and a staff, just like Goku's power pole? If not, then you must have not been paying attention at school. Anyway, there's A-LOT more to come, ladies and gents.**

**Characters shown here:**

Bloomer Briefs (Male!Bulma)

Son Goku/Kaka (Fem!Goku/Kakarot)

Pterodactyl (deceased)


	4. BALLS!

**Dragon Ball GB ("Gender Bent")**

**A fanfiction written by Christopher .J.**

**"Dragon Ball" created by Akira Toriyama**

**This is non-profit fan-based work. Dragon Ball and all characters are owned by Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, Viz Media and FUNimation**

**Chapter 3: BALLS!**

**In his quest for the seven dragonballs that will grant his fondest wish, Bloomer had enlisted the help of the strange monkey-girl known as Son Goku…**

It is sunset now, and Bloomer and Son Goku drive towards the woods. "Hey, we only need four more balls right?" asked Goku. "That's gonna be a snap!" "A snap, she says" said Bloomer. "I guess you wouldn't know it, living your whole life in the armpit of the Earth. But, there's still a lot of ground to cover out there."

Bloomer stops the motorbike and both he and Goku get off of it. "Hey, I'll go get us some soft leaves for my bed." Bloomer scoffs. "Please" said Bloomer arrogantly. "Do you really think we're sleeping outside?" "What else?" said Goku. "I don't see no houses here." Bloomer pulls his container of Hoi-Poi Capsules and pulls one out. Goku now looks scared. "No way!" Goku cried. "You're not gonna pop out a house with one o' those what-cha-macallits?" Bloomer repiles "They're called 'Hoi-Poi Capsules', numbskull." He begins to throw the capsule onto a wide area of land. "Hit the dirt, monkey girl!" Goku runs out of the way as Bloomer throws the capsule.

***BOMB!***

A dome-like house appears out of nowhere. "Ta-Da!" said Bloomer, thinking that Goku's impressed. However, Goku stands shocked at the power of the Capsules. "Well, still lusting over those leaves?" asked Bloomer jokingly. Soon, Goku pulls out her Power Pole and stands in a fighting position.

"A-Are you s-s-sure you're not a witch?" asked Goku, who is scared. "Cold enough to come in yet?" again asked Bloomer, trying to brush off the girl's naivety. He soon claps his hands and the lights in the makeshift turn on.

"Ahh!" screamed Goku as she entered the house. "You are a witch! You turned night into day!" Bloomer sighs in annoyance. "You don't even know about lights?" said Bloomer. "You got a long, long way to go, Jungle Jane." Bloomer soon walks towards a television and turns it on. A music video is on and Goku watches the screen in amazement. Bloomer chuckles to himself. "Hey, mister midget" said Goku, who is poking at the screen with her pole. "You wan' me to help you get out of that box?" Bloomer sniffs at Goku, and is appalled by her smell.

"Sheesh, you're stinking up the joint" said Bloomer. "That does it, you're gonna take a bath before we eat." Goku turns to the boy and asks "Bath? What's a bath?" Bloomer stands incredulous! Aren't girls supposed to be hygienic?

Now at a bathroom, Goku appears nude and is holding a towel with confusion. Bloomer stands blushing embarrassingly at looking at the tiny and young, yet oddly and athletic looking body of the monkey tailed girl.

"Will you cover yourself up?" screamed Bloomer before he grabs Goku and throws her into the bubble bath. He begins scrubbing her skin and washing her hair. "Ow!" cried Goku. "This bath thing feels weird." "Ah, shut up, brat!" said Bloomer "Do you know how many girls your age would dream of a hunk like me giving them a bath?" He turns Goku around to her backside. He notices the tail down below her back. "You idiot!" said Bloomer. "You actually attached that stupid thing to your butt?" Goku stands confused by Bloomer's words.

"What phony tail?" said Goku. "Would you take it off?" said Bloomer as he grabs her tail. Goku winches a little in pain. "OW! Don't pull." cried Goku, who uses her tail to snatch the back-scrubber away from Bloomer. "Here! I can wash my own butt!" Bloomer stands shocked at Goku scrubbing her back with her tail.

"EEEEE-YAAAAAAH!" screamed Bloomer, who curls himself in his bed, processing what he just saw. Goku is drying her self. "Y-Y-You r-r-really have a t-t-TAIL!" Bloomer stammered in fear. "Of course, silly" said Goku. "Don't all girls have tails?" "What? Girls have…?" thought Bloomer. "No way! I mean, it's not like I ever seen a girl naked before…except in my 'private magazines'. But, do they?" Goku soon realizes something. "Wait" said Goku. "My gran'ma was a girl, but she didn't have a tail." "HA!" screamed Bloomer. "I KNEW IT! NORMAL GIRLS…DON'T…HAVE…TAILS!"

"Of course, my gran'ma was kinda odd." Goku said while giggling. "YOU'RE THE ONE'S WHO ODD!" screamed Bloomer. Later, Bloomer is seen having a bubble bath, trying to rest his thoughts over what happened earlier. "Is she for real?" said Bloomer. "She acts like I'm the one who's the freak-o, while she's something jumped from a monster mo…" Bloomer stops himself when he sees Goku appear right before him. He ducks under the water, then pulls his head up.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE DOIN' HERE?" screamed Bloomer. "I'm sorry" said Goku. "I just came here to see you've got a tail, too." "Sheesh, kid" said Bloomer. "How old are you?" Goku pauses for a second to count. "Um, 14." said Goku.

"WHAT? YOU'RE ONLY TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME?" screamed Bloomer, who started throwing stuff at the poor monkey-girl to send her away, who is trying to figure what she did wrong. "GET OUT OF HER, PERVERT GIRL!" Later, Goku is holding her head while Bloomer, wearing a long, buttoned night shirt, is combing his hair. "You pull that stuff on me again, and I'll kick your ass, girl or not." threatened Bloomer. Goku holds her stomach, as it aches.

***growwll***

"Im starving'" said Goku. Later, Bloomer and Goku are eating at a dinner table. Goku is seen wolfing down her food, while Bloomer, eating calmly, looks both shocked and disgusted.

"Sheesh, I thought girls only had small appetites." thought Bloomer. "Hmm, this food's different, but it's good!" said Goku, who then grabs a cup and drinks out of it. "Bleh!" cried Goku. "But this brown soup tastes bitter." "It's called coffee, bimbo" said Bloomer. "Maybe if you'd learn how eat more like a real girl, you wouldn't be such a pig."

Now, back in the bedroom, both Bloomer and Goku are preparing to go to sleep for their next adventure. "Wow!" said Goku. "this 'futon' thing's gonna be fun! And I haven't slept with someone since my gran'ma died."

"'Sleep with'?" asked Bloomer with an arrogant tone. "What would people think if they saw me sleeping with you? Here's your blanket…and the floor." Goku looks a little sad. "We're sleeping apart?" said Goku. "But, I always used gran'ma as a pillow. She was so soft and comfy…" "YOU AREN'T USING ME FOR A PILLOW, FREAK!" Bloomer screamed at the top of his lungs. He heads for the bathroom to go brush his teeth.

"So" said Bloomer. "it was just you and your grandmother, right?" Goku nods. "What happened to your parents?" asked Bloomer. "I dunno" Goku repiles/. "I guess they abandoned me in the mountains when I was a baby. Then, gran'ma found me and decided to keep me." Goku giggles, while Bloomer stands shocked and looked at the little girl with pity.

"How can you laugh about that?" asked Bloomer. "They probably abandoned you cause you had a tail…" "Where you abandoned because you yell a lot?" asked Goku. "SHUT UP! I DO NOT YELL ALOT!" said Bloomer, ironically answering Goku's question. "And who said I was abandoned? I just happened to be on summer vacation from school-and I'm taking advantage of it. I've only got another 30 days to find the rest of the dragonballs. I don't have all year like you.." Goku has already fallen asleep. Bloomer, once again, gets angry. "Y'know!" said Bloomer. "If you're gonna ask questions, at least wait for the answers!"

It is early morning now, and Goku rises from her blanket and yawns. Soon, she takes notice of Bloomer, who is sleeping with any covers. Goku soon stars at his crotch. "Hmm" Goku said quietly. "That looks like a comfy pillow." Goku soon climbs up Bloomer's bed and lies on his crotch. Soon, she begins to feel something funny. Something warm. She gets and turns around. Goku stares at Bloomer's boxers, and pokes at it with her finger. "Feels mushy" thought Goku. Soon, she quietly and slowly pulls out Bloomer's boxers, looks down at his crotch again and….

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" **screamed Goku, who's yell almost scares the whole forest! Bloomer wakes up, with a sense of worry. "GAH!" exclaimed Bloomer. "What's goin' on? What happened? Goku, what's wrong?" Goku, standing behind a corner, is scared out of her wits. "B-b-b-balls!" Goku stammers. "Balls?" said Bloomer. "You mean, the dragonballs?" Bloomer runs to his bag to check if the dragonballs were stolen. "No, not those balls!" said Goku. "I-I mean, I saw other balls, just like them. Except there's no star on 'em a-a-and they were mushy-looking and-and-and there was some s-s-small, h-h-hairy earthworm up top of them!" Not really listening as he looked at his bag, Bloomer sighs and turns to Goku.

"Goku, none of the dragonballs were stolen. I bet all you had was some weird nightmare." said Bloomer, midly comforting the frightened monkey girl. "Now, go back to sleep. You nearly freaked me out!"

**And so, Goku learns a nice little lesson about the human body and Bloomer's greatest fear was adverted. But, he should't relax just yet, come our next chapter…**


	5. The Turtle Witch, Miss Roshi

**Dragon Ball GB ("Gender Bent")**

**A fanfiction written by Christopher .J.**

**"Dragon Ball" created by Akira Toriyama**

**This is non-profit fan-based work. Dragon Ball and all characters are owned by Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, Viz Media and FUNimation**

**Chapter 4: The Turtle Witch, Muten-Roshi**

**Bloomer and Son Goku prepare for the second day of their quest, while, closer…..ever closer crawls…an ominous shadow….!**

Bloomer is seen near a coffee machine, making himself a cup. "Hey, Goku" said Bloomer. "Want some coffee?" As Bloomer hands Goku a cup of coffee, she shoves it away.

"Uck!" said Goku. "I don't need any of that bitter soup. What I need is some exercise!" Goku runs out of the house and catches eye of a big rock. Goku starts picking it up and then smashes it into pieces. Goku runs off to find another rock. As Goku picks up the other rock, it's starts making sounds..

"WHAT? WHAT?" said a giant turtle Goku had picked up. "Huh?" said a confused Goku. "Hey, you're a turtle." "Why, yes I am" said the turtle. Bloomer comes out the house. "All right, what's all the commotion?" asked Bloomer. He also notices the turtle. "Huh?" said Bloomer. "What's with the turtle?" "I dunno" replied Goku.

"Say, mister turtle, where'd you come from?" Goku asked. The turtle takes a brief pause, but then replies "Well, you see, I've been trying to find a way to return back to the south sea. But I think I took a wrong turn somewhere and I thought maybe you could help me return home." "Well," said Bloomer "the seas to the south are about 120 kilometers. So you got a long way to go." The turtle slumps sadly, it was a long way to go. "Hey!" said Goku. "How's about we help you out. We'll take you that 'south sea' thing!" The turtle was elated at the selfless girl's offer.

"Really?" said the turtle. "You'd do that for me." Goku nods, but Bloomer comes up to them angrily. "What are you, nuts?" said Bloomer. "We've got 30 days left! We can't be wasting our time with a turtle!"

"But, Bloomer!" protested Goku. "He's lost! It's common courtesy to help out someone in need!" Bloomer scoffs at the girl's words. "Please" said Bloomer. "That dumb turtle isn't my problem. You can go if you want." Angry, Goku picks up the turtle on her back and begins carrying him to it's destination. "If all men are as selfish as you, then I hope I won't see anyone like you again!" Goku said to Bloomer, right before she sticks her tongue at him. Bloomer, clearly angry, does the same.

"WELL, FINE!" screamed Bloomer. "SEE IF I CARE! DO WHAT YOU WANT! BUT, IF YOU COME NEAR MY HOUSE AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU! I MEAN IT!" Goku ignores Bloomer's harsh words as she is already miles away from the Capsule house. "Stupid monkey-tomboy!" thought Bloomer. "Who needs her? I'm a man! I can take care of myself!" Bloomer sees dinosaurs by his house, and they are roaring quite loud.

Later, as Goku and the turtle head for the south seas, Bloomer is seen driving up behind them in his motorbike. "HEY, WAIT UP!" shouted Bloomer. Goku and Turtle take notice of the lavender-haired young man. "Hey" said Goku "I thought we weren't your problem."

"Shut up!" replied Bloomer "Let's just say I'm too noble for my own good, okay?" Goku giggles. "You got scared, didn't you?" asked Goku. "Scared?" said Bloomer. "Please, without me, you'd be eaten by a monster or something."

Somewhere in the mountains, a giant bear bandit hides behind some trees and sees the trio head this way through a telescope. "So" said the bear bandit. "Payday on wheels, eh? Heh, heh." Soon, the bear bandit comes before them and says "HALT!" Bloomer and the turtle tremble in fear, while Goku stands confused.

"Hey!" said Goku. "Why'd you stop us?" "Well, little one" said the bear bandit. "I was looking for a nice turtle to make some…'turtle soup.' And since you got one already, I think it's best that you hand it over." The bandit raises his long, sharp blade in front of our heroes.

"W-Well, Goku" said a frightened Bloomer. "Give the t-t-turtle to the nice bear now, please!" Goku instead sticks her tongue out. The bear raises his blade. "So, I guess that's a no, then." Goku puts Turtle down and the bear swings his blade. However, as he does that, Goku leaps into the air and lands behind the bear. "So," said the bear. "You're quite quick for a little girl" The bear swings his blade again, but Goku leaps and lands on his face.

"Hi!" said Goku. Now, she stands on a fighting position. "Rock…Scissors…" Goku punches the bear bandit in the eye, causing it to bleed. "PAPER!" screamed Goku. The bear falls flat on his back. "Wow!" said Bloomer. "She's…She's that strong! But…but then…"

"Hey!" said Goku, talking to Turtle. "Are you really good for dinner?" "OH NO!" said Turtle. "Uh, real turtles like me taste really, really nasty! Absolutely foul!" So, Goku places Turtle on her back again and the trio head off again.

Later, Goku and Bloomer finally reach a beach. "You've done it, little one!" said the turtle. "We've reach the south sea!" Goku turns to Bloomer and asks "Hey, Bloomer. Is this really the south sea?" Bloomer looks around the beach. "Looks like it" he repiles. "Thank you both!" said Turtle. "I am forever grateful for generosity. In fact, I'll bring you something special." "Really?" said Goku. "Cool!" The turtle sails off into the water, far from where Goku and Bloomer are.

Moments later, Bloomer and Goku soon catch notice of someone sailing towards them. "Who's that?" ask Bloomer. "I don't know, but it looks like Mr. Turtle" said Bloomer. Soon, as the turtle reaches shore, up to his back is a hunchbacked, elderly woman with long white hair, with some thinning up top, carrying a giant turtle shell, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and holding a wooden staff.

"Aloha!" greeted the old woman. Bloomer stands somewhat disappointed. "Geez!" he said. "Our reward is an old geezer lady." The old woman comes up to Bloomer and smacks his head hard with her staff. "Who do you think you're calling old?" asked the woman. Bloomer growls in anger, stands up and prepares to clobber the old lady. However, Turtle comes up to him and tries to stop him.

"Wait! Stop!" shouted Turtle. "GET OUT OF MY WAY, BEAST!" shouted Bloomer. "I'M GONNA TEACH THAT OLD CRONY A LESSON!" "But, you don't understand!" said the Turtle. "This woman carries with her a special reward for you and your friend." Bloomer soon calms down and walks towards the old woman.

"I apologize for my rudeness" Bloomer says. "I did not know what I was doing." Goku comes up to the old woman, too and asks "Hey, old timer. What's your name?" Bloomer slaps Goku's head for her rudeness, but the old turtle woman doesn't seem to be fazed by the monkey girl's words.

"*ahem*" exclaimed the old woman. "I am The Turtle Witch, Miss Muten-Roshi." Roshi turns to the Turtle. "So," said Roshi. "Which of these two helped you find your way home?" Turtle repiles "Only the girl, I'm afraid." Roshi looks down on Goku and smiles. "Well, little miss" said Roshi. "We owe you one an' I'm paying up with a mighty nice reward." Roshi soon raises her staff and shouts to the heavens.

"COME TO ME, IMMORTAL PHOENIX!" Nothing is happening. "Was that 'Immortal' or 'Invisible?' " Bloomer sarcastically remarks. "M'lady" said Turtle. "If you recall, the Phoenix had died due to bird seed poisoning."

"Oh" replied Roshi. "I remember. So sad. Well, looks I'll have to give ya another present." Roshi once again clears her breath and raises her staff.

"COME TO ME, FLYING NIMUBUS!" Roshi shouted, and soon, a yellow puff could comes flying towards the group on this beach. Bloomer is astonished. "I-It's a cloud!" said Bloomer. "No," Roshi repiled. "It's not just any cloud. It's the Kintoun, or "Flying Nimbus" Goku stands confused. "How do you eat it?" Goku asked. "YOU DON'T EAT A CLOUD!" Roshi shouted. "You ride it. It will take you to wherever you desire. However, you must have a heart as pure as gold in order to ride it. Let me show you."

Roshi hops on the Nimbus, and falls right through it. "GAHH!" Roshi shouts in pain. "MY HIP!" Bloomer laughs loudly at the old woman's failure to ride the cloud, while Turtle tends to her. Goku, however, hops right on the cloud and doesn't fall down. The on-lookers stand shocked. "My. my" said Roshi. "All right, Nimbus! Fly away!" shouted Goku and the Nimbus does just that. Goku flies across the ocean, filled with glee. "WA-HOOOO!" Goku shouts. Eventually, she lands the Nimbus back to land. "That was great!" said Goku to Roshi. "Thanks a million!" "No problem, little one" Roshi repiled. "It looks like that thing was meant fer ya!"

Bloomer begins staring at what's on the old woman's neck. He is shocked to find out that it's a dragon ball! "Hey, old ti-I mean, Miss Roshi!" said Bloomer. "You have a something real special underneath your neck! I must have it!" Roshi looks down at Turtle and asks "Did this young man help you, too?" "No, madam" said Turtle. "THANKS A BUNCH, JERK! I'LL REMEMBER THAT THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT AN AWARD!" Bloomer shouted.

"Well," said Roshi "since I gave your friend the only magic cloud I got, I suppose I'll give ya my necklace. That is if you…you l-l-let me….t-take a peek at your…'bellybutton'?" The old woman began to blush and drool. The Turtle stands quite upset over Roshi's perverted behavior. "M'LADY!" said Turtle "HOW CAN EVEN CONSIDER ASKING FOR SUCH A SHAMELESS REQUEST!"

"AW, SHUT UP!" Roshi shouted back. "IT'S HARD BEIN' THE TURTLE WITCH! NOT HAVIN' T' FEEL OR LOOK AT THE BODY OF A MAN FOR SO MANY, MANY YEARS!" Turtle scoffs and, under his breath says "Well, now I know why the cloud didn't work!" Bloomer, however, blushes quite embarrassingly at the request, but he seems to reluctantly willing to accept. "Wellll" said Bloomer. "I guess if you want to see my bellybutton, then…"

"LOOK FAST!" shouted Bloomer, as he unbuttons his nightshirt and flashes himself at the old turtle woman. However, he is unaware that he is fully naked underneath. Roshi's nose begins to bleed violently. Bloomer quickly buttons his shirt back up, ashamed at what he just did.

"Now, will give me what's on your neck?" Bloomer asks. Roshi grabs a cloth and wipes her nose. "Well, of course sonny." said Roshi, as she unhooks her necklace and hands over the dragonball to Bloomer. "I found this pretty little thing when it swam off the ocean floor a bout a hundred years ago." Roshi explained. "I thought it looked fashionable enough to wear as a necklace. But now, it's yours now." Bloomer turns to Goku and shouts at her to come.

"Wow! A dragonball!" Goku said happily. "That's right!" said Bloomer. "Now we got five to go, kid! All thanks to that old lady right here!" Roshi soon begins to ponder on something. "Y'know" said Roshi. "I could make some much needed cash on this thing." "Oh, really?" said Bloomer, as he lifts up his shirt again. "I wish I was young again." thought Roshi, as she let Bloomer and Goku go with her dragonball.

"Goodbye, old timer!" said Goku and both she, Bloomer, and the others went their separate ways. The duo make their way back to the house (Bloomer on his motor bike, Goku on her Nimbus). "I'm gonna go make a change of clothes, okay." said Bloomer as he gets off his bike and heads into the house. There is a brief moment of silence until…

"AHHH!" shouted Bloomer. "MY BOXERS! THEY'RE GONE!" Goku rushes inside the house to find out what was wrong. "What's goin' on?" asked Goku. "Goku!" said Bloomer. "My boxers are gone! I was naked the whole time. And worst of all, I just let that old pervert woman look at my junk!" Goku looks down and sees a pair of boxers on the floor. "Y'mean these?" asked Goku as she pointed at the pair on the floor. Bloomer grabs them and, then, suspiciously, looks at Goku. "How do you know these were mine?" asked Bloomer.

"Well, while I was sleeping" Goku naively began to say, "I was wondering what kinda weird parts y'had underneath." Bloomer grows more angry at every word Goku said. "So" said Bloomer as he is seething his teeth in rage. "Y-You took o-off my…boxers?" "You mean those? Yeah." answered Goku, not realizing how angry the boy's getting. Bloomer grabs a machine gun and starts shooting at Goku repeatedly, with the poor, naive monkey-girl shouting in pain.

**Well, looks like not alls well that ends well for these two. But, there are action-packed and hilarious adventures for these two the next time there's another chapter.**

**Characters shown here:**

Son Goku/Kaka (Fem!Goku/Kakarot)

Bloomer Briefs (Male!Bulma)

Miss Roshi, the Turtle Witch (Fem!Master Roshi)

Bear Bandit

Turtle.


	6. Oolong, the Terrible

**Dragon Ball GB ("Gender Bent")**

**A fanfiction written by Christopher .J.**

**"Dragon Ball" created by Akira Toriyama**

**This is non-profit fan-based work. Dragon Ball and all characters are owned by Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, Viz Media and FUNimation**

**Chapter Five: Oolong, the Terrible!**

**A couple of hours has passed since the "boxer" incident, Bloomer and Son Goku had continued on with their journey. By now, they had reached a small village, yet there are not many people around. Can this eerily silent village be the resting place of the fifth dragonball?**

"You're nuts" said Bloomer, who is about to get off his motorbike. "There can't be anyone here in this place." Goku, however on her Flying Nimbus says otherwise. "No, no...I can feel them." Goku soon hops off her Nimbus and begins to search around for any villagers. Soon, she sees a giant door (well, a door that's about three sizes taller) and begins to bang on it.

"Hey!" Goku shouts. "I know you're in there! Why don't you answer?" Bloomer soon comes up behind the monkey-girl. "Door must be locked." he states. However, Goku slams her fist right into the door.

*** BWAK! ***

The door opens. "Now, it's open!" Goku chirps with happiness. "Not afraid of much, are you?" Bloomer snidely questions. Soon, a dark figure with an ax comes up behind Goku and begins to charge!

"HI-YAHHHH!", said the mysterious figure, who slams his or her ax onto Goku's head. The ax itself brakes into pieces and Goku falls on the floor, mumbling loudly in pain! Soon, the shadowy figure is revealed to be a middle-aged woman wearing suspenders and a pair of glasses. Behind her, hiding near a table, is a little boy. The woman stands trembling with fear.

"Oh, no!" said the lady. "It didn't work!" Goku angrily pulls out her staff and stands in a fighting position. "WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?" asked Goku. The woman automatically bows down to the unknowing monkey girl.

"Forgive me, Lady Oolong!" pleaded the woman. "I'll give you anything! Food! Money! Just please spare my only son!" Bloomer and Goku stand quite confused at what's going on.

"Huh?" said Bloomer. "Who's Oolong?" Soon, the villagers finally appear. They are somewhat shocked that the so-called "Lady Oolong" is not in their presence. Back at the house, the young boy is seen tending Goku's bump on the head with a nice, hot cloth. The boy's mother stands quite embarrassed. "Oh, dear!" said the lady. "Sorry about that, young lady. I just thought that Oolong was taking a little girl's form!"

Bloomer turns to the woman. "Lady, if that had been me, I'd be dead!" The woman gulps and stammers "L-Lucky, it wasn't, huh?" Soon, as the boy is still tending to Goku, the monkey-girl turns to him and pats on his crotch. The boy stands flustered.

"Hmm, you feel mushy down there." Said Goku. "You must be a boy!" An angry Bloomer soon steps up to Goku and knocks her upside her head. "What was that for?" asked Goku. "NO 'PAT PAT'!" Bloomer sternly shouted, who then turns to the woman and her son. "So, anyway, who's this 'Lady Oolong' you're so freaked out about?"

The woman begins to shiver, but begins to tell the tale: "Lady Oolong is a monster. She's a terrible shape-shifting witch who haunts our land. Why, just yesterday, she came to our village…"

In a flashback, the woman protectively holds her son while a pig-nosed giantess with a club is seductively eyeing him. "…and her eyes fell for my son!" said the woman back in present time. Lady Oolong laughs and says with a gruff tone "Woo-hah! He looks like a real cutie! I'll be back tomorrow at noon to pick up my new husband! So, you better get him ready!" Lady Oolong walks off, laughing. Now, we are back to present time…

"She has already kidnapped other boys from the village, making the poor young'uns do who-know-what!" said the woman. "And to top it off, she has threatened to kill and eat every villager who dares tried to oppose her!"

Goku soon breaks off the story with a question: "Why don't you just beat 'er up?" The woman stands flabbergasted! "Are you kiddin', child?" screamed the woman. "She's huge!" Soon, Bloomer goes into his bag and pulls out one of the dragonballs.

"Excuse me, miss." Bloomer began to ask. "Have you even seen one of these?" The lady stares at the dragonball for a brief moment, then comes up with a response. "Nope. I never saw anything like it." Soon, an old lady rushes into the house. "Wait! I've got one just like it!" Bloomer is overfilled with joy, while the lady with glasses stands confused. The old lady pulls out the dragonball from her pocket. Bloomer is counting how many stars are on the ball.

"Four…five…six! It's "Liushinkyu", the Six-Star Ball!" Bloomer exclaimed happily. "Ma'am, if you give me that ball, I'll take cure of this Oolong for you!"

The villagers stand shocked! "Well, it's a lovely offer, young man, but…" said the old lady. "But do you think it's the job for just a schoolboy?" Bloomer laughs. "Oh, no!" said Bloomer. "I'm not the one who's gonna fight! She's the one…." Bloomer stops speaking as he turns to see that Goku is not here beside him. Instead, he sees Goku patting on the old woman's crotch. Bloomer falls flat on the floor.

"Hey!" said the monkey-girl. "You're a girl! Just like me!" Goku giggles, while the old woman blushes. Bloomer, furious, screams at her because he specifically said "No Pat Pat!" Soon, the lady with glasses and her son come out of the house. "But, even if you defeat Oolong" said the woman. "We don't know where her lair is! How will we free the other boys?" Bloomer turns to the woman with a re-assuring look. "Don't worry about! I've got an idea."

Later, back in the house, Goku is wearing a T-shirt with suspenders, boots on her feet and a baseball cap on her head. She oddly looks more like a boy than before. However, Goku instead looks at this clothes with some annoyance.

"Why do I have to wear these uncomfortable clothes?" asked Goku. "Listen" said Bloomer. "you are gonna pretend to be that lady's kid and let Lady Oolong take you to her lair. Then, you can beat her up and rescue the girls. Is that okay." Goku nods, albeit with reluctance. But, at least she'll get to fight some one. Soon, one of the villagers come into the house with urgent news. "She's here! It is Lady Oolong!"

Lady Oolong, in all her gruesomeness, is here. However, she is seen wearing a white, frilly dress, a bow on her head, high-heel shoes on her large feet and carrying a box of chocolates. Bloomer soon drags the disguised Goku out into the open. Goku looks down with annoyance. "Why can't I just punch 'er and get it over with?" Goku thought as Oolong walks towards the back of her.

"Helloooo, sweetie!" said Oolong with her booming, husky voice. "Imma your beautiful, new wife. C'mere, my little prince charming!" Goku doesn't turn around for one second. Oolong stands confused. "Huh? What's wrong? Don't cha wanna see your blushing bride?" Oolong asked while doing a "cutesy" pose. "I'm a real nice and kind lady!" Goku is shivering a little.

"Ah, man!" Goku thought. "I gotta pee!" Oolong stands a little frustrated at the disguised Goku's supposed shyness, but soon becomes calm and gets a sudden realization. "Ooh, I see!" said Oolong. "You don't like the way I look! Well, don't worry. I can change that…"

***BOOM!***

A puff of smoke appears, then clears up to see Oolong has transformed into a curvy, buxom, long, red-haired woman with blue eyes and wearing a red, short latex dress and high-heels.

"Well, lover-boy." said Oolong with a beautiful, sultry voice. "How do ya like me now?" Soon, the transformed Oolong begins to feel something strange. She looks down and sees…

"My darling! Where have you been my entire life?" said Bloomer, who is standing on one knee and holding her hand, as if he is about to propose. Oolong begins to place her other hand on her cheek, blushing.

"My name is Bloomer Briefs, my love! I may be only 16 years old, but I hope my charming good looks can make you change your mind about that" said Bloomer, who is incredibly lovestruck with the shapeshifter, who was before a monstrous she-beast.

"Oh, my." said Oolong. "Say, um, mister Briefs. If you wish to be my fiancée, can I ask ya a question?" Bloomer, still "in-love", answers: "Anything, my love!" Oolong blushes and asks: "W-What is the size of your…'you know whats?'" Not even caring that the woman had just asked him his penis size, Bloomer stands up, puffs up his chest and answers huskily. "4 to 5 inches!"

Oolong stands blushing beyond belief! "'4 to 5 inches?' Whoa, that's quite huge for his age! Oooh, what I could do with that…." thought and shuddered Oolong, she has quite the perverted mind. "Oh, but he is quite old for my age. Of course, he doesn't need to know th…" Oolong snaps back to reality as she sees disguised Goku bending down in front of a tree, ignoring the love-stricken Bloomer.

"W-W-What is he doing?" Oolong asked herself. "Is he peeing sitting down? I thought boys pee standing up!" Oolong soon comes in-front of the monkey girl, takes a peek and….

"EEEEEEEE!" screamed Oolong. "TH-TH-THAT'S NO BOY!" Oolong angrily turned to Goku and begins shaking her fist in fury! "YOU'RE NOT THE BOY FROM YESTERDAY!" shouted Oolong. Goku turns to the angry shapeshifter with the utmost ignorance and says to her.

"You figured all that out with a pat-pat? You're good." The once beautiful face of Oolong turns demonic with rage. "YOU! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO DECEIVE THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE OOLONG?" screamed Oolong! Soon, a puff of smoke explodes and Oolong transforms into a giant bull! Bloomer snaps out of his trance and is now scared. Goku, on the other hand, stands amazed.

"Hey, cool!" said Goku. "You turned into an ox." With a snarling and furious tone, Oolong says "NOW YOU SHALL SEE THE RAGE OF LADY OOLONG! THE RAGE AND THE POWER!" Bloomer, scared out of his wits, runs back into the house with the lady and her son. The lady stands angry!

"Just what the hell was that all about?" the lady asked. Bloomer stands embarrassed and ashamed. "Whoops!" said Bloomer. "Sorry about that. It's just that…every time I see a hot babe, it's the same damn thing."

"You know if we had more time, I could really dislike you…" said the lady with a deadpan tone. "But at the moment, we have two problems: Your plan's blown to pieces and you got our demoness seriously p-o'ed!" The lady soon turns to her young son and comforts him. "Well, at least your safe. Now, Mr. 4-5 inches here can take your place as her groom!" Bloomer is now angry.

"NO WAY!" shouted Bloomer. "YOU THINK I'M WASTING ALL THIS ON AN OX?" Soon, Bloomer goes outside and yells for Goku.

"Goku!" said Bloomer. "We're gonna go with Plan B now! Beat 'er up and tell her where all the boys are at!" Goku, excited at finally having to fight, throws out her costume and pulls out her staff. Oolong laughs, thinking that this whole thing is a joke. "You gotta be kiddin' me?" said Oolong. "You think a little girl can beat me? The all-powerful Lady Oolong! Please. Now, tell me where the boy from yesterday is….and I won't have to kill anybody!"

Instead of heeding Oolong, Goku sticks out her tongue and goes "bleh!" Enraged, Lady Oolong begins to charge….until she looks at a clock.

"Yah! It can't be!" Oolong thought. Soon, she turns around and heads out of the village. Goku, upset that their fight ended way too early, begins to follow suit. Outside the village's entrance and with a puff of smoke, the ox soon transforms into a small pig wearing a green dress and a hat with a red star on top.

"Ah, damn!" said Lady Oolong, this time in a nasally tone. "I hate when that happens!" Soon, Oolong begins to hear something. "Hey! No time-outs!" screamed the voice. It was Goku and she was coming this way. So, Lady Oolong acts non-chalantly and unsuspicious as the monkey girl comes this way.

"Hey, pig!" Goku asked Oolong, unaware of who she's really talking to. "Did'ja see a bull run by?" Oolong nods, points right and answers: "Oh, yes! It' went that-a-way!" Goku runs to the direction Oolong pointed out. Soon, the pig snickers quietly to herself and thinks: "That was too close! Almost got my cover blown…heh! I'd love to see their faces if they found out they'd be cowering in fear from a cute little piglet!"

**(In case you forget, like the regular Oolong, Lady Oolong can change form as quickly as she likes. However, each transformation can last only five minutes and takes a full minute to recharge. And now back to the story…)**

As Goku walks back into the village, thinking that Lady Oolong had run off like a coward, Oolong soon comes back….as a giant robot with a hot bowl of noodles!

"YOU DREAM THAT THE MIGHTY OOLONG WOULD FLEE?" said Oolong in a robotic voice. "I TOOK A BREAK TO DESTROY ANOTHER VILLAGE, THAT'S ALL!" Goku turns around and is surprised. "Hey!" exclaimed the monkey girl. "You changed again. So, are you gonna fight or just play dress up?" As Oolong begins to get angry, she accidentally slips her finger into the Raman and begins screaming in pain. Goku looks at the scene with curiosity.

"Hey, tell me somethin'" said Goku. "Are you really a puny weakling?" Oolong, snapping out of her pain, quickly tries to cover up the truth. "WHAT? N-N-NO! I'm the strongest in the world! Ask anybody. In fact, what about YOU! Huh? Huh? Huh?"

"My granma taught me kung-fu." Goku answers. Oolong begins to worry, but tries to shake it off. "W-Well, then prove it!" said Oolong, who pulls out three little bricks in front of the little monkey-girl.

"If your weak, frail grandmommy taught you kung-fu, then let's see if you can break these bricks with your bare hands!" Goku scoffs and says "I could do it…with one finger!" Goku soon slams her tiny index finger into the bricks….and they shatter into pieces!

"See?" asked Goku, proud of what she did. Oolong is shocked by the girl's strength. Soon, a cloud of smoke explodes and Oolong transforms into a bat. She laughs evilly and flies away.

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE, STUPID!" shouted Bloomer, who comes up behind Goku. "IF WE DON'T FIND HER LAIR, THEN WE'LL NEVER FIND THOSE KIDNAPPED BOYS!"

"Oh! Right!" said Goku, who calls her Flying Nimbus and begins to chase after Lady Oolong, who is grumbling to herself. "Damn it all to hell!" said Oolong. "How embarrassing can you get? I'll never be able to terrorize that village again!" Eventually, Goku comes up behind her.

"Thought you could get away, huh?" shouted Goku. Oolong, trying to get away as fast as she can, transforms into a rocket. However, as her five minutes are now up, she transforms back into her true, piglet form. Looking down, Oolong begins to fall. "WAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Oolong as she plunges down. Luckily, Goku flies towards Oolong and catches her in the nick of time.

"So, you were Lady Oolong all along!" said Goku, who just figured out the truth. "Yup" said Oolong, who trembling beyond belief. "But who or what are you?"

**And so, Son Goku managed to catch the…supposedly all powerful Lady Oolong, who openly apologized for her actions and led the village to her lair. There, all the village's parents who missed their poor, kidnapped sons had a little surprise..**

In Oolong's lair, we see all the village boys either watching TV, playing video games, eating sweets or roughhousing. "Oh, hey!" said one of the boys. "You think could've come here a little later? I was about to get a new high score!" Oolong sighs with annoyance. "Why'd you think I wanted to find a nice, shy boy? Please get these little bastards outta here!" grumbled Oolong.

**And eventually, with some kindness in their hearts (well, mostly Goku's), Bloomer and Goku let Oolong join them on their quest….**

At a nearby lake, a motorboat with Bloomer, Goku and Oolong inside speeds ahead! Goku looks at the shapeshifting pig with some curiosity and frustration. "But, Bloomer." whined the monkey-girl. "Why'd we have to bring Oolong for?" Bloomer turns to Goku with a smile. "Because that transformation trick may come in handy!" said Bloomer. "Especially for our quest!" Oolong quickly jumps up. "Oh no, pretty boy!" said Oolong. "I don't do quests! They're boring!"

Bloomer soon sighs and speaks with a husky tone: "It's real hot today! I guess I might as well take my shirt off…" Oolong soon quietly sits back down and smiles, delighting in her own thoughts. "Then again, quests don't have to be boring…." Oolong thought as she giggled and the motorbike heads off into the sunset.

**Characters shown here:**

Son Goku/Kaka (fem!Goku/Kakarot)

Bloomer Briefs (male!Bulma)

Lady Oolong (fem!Oolong)


	7. Yamcha, the Desert Bandit

**Chapter Six: Yamcha, the Desert Bandit!**

** As we left our heroes, they were eager to get to the southwest...and then a little less eager...and a little less eage..okay, let's just move on.**

As the motorboat is still cruising through the water, Son Goku begins to get a little impatient. "Aren't we there yet?" asked Goku. "Still a long way off" Bloomer answers. "I'd give it three more days." Goku groans in frustration. "Um, lemme see..." Bloomer pulls out a map. "Yeah right! The dragonball must be around a place called...'Fry-Pan Mountain.'" Soon, Oolong jumps out of her seat in terror.

"WHAT?" shouted Oolong. "FRY-PAN MOUNTAIN? Y-YOU'RE GONNA GO THERE?" Bloomer and Goku look at the terrified piglet with confusion. "You've heard of it?" asked Goku.

"Y-y-you don't know it?" Oolong shouts in shock. "Th-th-that's the home of the terrible and fearsome Ox-Queen!" Bloomer scoffs at Oolong's terrified words. "Don't worry, Miss Piggy" said Bloomer with the utmost confidence. "Little Son* here can kick her butt!"

*He's referring to Goku. "Son" is her last name. Plus, if I went with "Son-chan", I'd be like every other fanfiction writer who add in Japanese words into dialogue. Plus, what does "chan" mean again?

"This 'Ox-Queen' sounds like fun!" said an excited Goku. "Let's go there right now!" Oolong, scared out of her wits, transforms into a fish and swims into the water. "See you idiots later!" Oolong said to her friends as she swims. Goku groans at the pig's actions.

"Well, looks like I gotta go catch 'er!" said Goku as she begins stripping off her gi. Bloomer however stops her as he pulls out a fishing rod. "Don't worry" said Bloomer. "I've got a better idea..."

Bloomer pulls out a magazine and rips out an underwear ad featuring a muscular, shirtless man wearing tighty-whities. He hooks the picture into the rod and casts it into the water. Soon, Oolong appears out of water, biting into the picture. Bloomer reels her in and Goku grabs her. "See? Like giving a toddler a new toy!" said Bloomer.

Later, Oolong, back in her pig form, sits on her seat angry. "That was a dirty trick!" said Oolong. "Y'know I'd get crazy over a cute guy!" Bloomer turns his attention to the frustrated piglet. "Aw, gee! Don't get angry." said Bloomer in a soothing voice. He soon pulls out a little round piece of candy.

"Here, have this as an apology." said Bloomer as he hands the candy to Oolong. Oolong looks at the candy, completely unimpressed. "Y'think that's gonna make me feel better?" Oolong bitterly asked. "Why don't you stop whining" said Bloomer "and I might let you see a cute guy in action!" Oolong, happy with the thought, begins to eat the candy. Soon, the boat begins to slow down and….it stops.

"Hey, the boat stopped talking!" said Goku. Bloomer looks at the gas gage of the boat and notices…

"Aw, crap!" Bloomer exclaimed. "We're out of gas!" Goku moans in sadness while Oolong quietly smiles, she'll never have to go to Fry-Pan Mountain. "This stinks!" said Goku. "Now I'll never fight that 'Ox-Queen' lady!" Oolong, in sense of fake compassion, said "Oh, yeah! Real disappointing!" Soon, Bloomer turns to Oolong and asks her "Hey, Oolong! Can you turn into gas?"

"Oh, yeah! Right!" Oolong said sarcastically. "My food turns to gas" Goku naively says. Bloomer cringed a little at Goku's comment, but then turns his attention to Oolong. "We've got to get ashore so I can take out my gas capsule! Turn into an oar!"

"All right!" said Oolong before morphing into a wooden oar. Eventually, they reach land. "Okay, pretty boy" said Oolong. "I made myself useful. Now get on with it!" Bloomer reaches into his coat pocket to grab his capsules. However, he feels emptiness. "Huh, must be in my other pocket." Bloomer reaches for his other coat pocket, but feels there is none, as well. Soon, Bloomer comes up with a terrible revelation…

"AHHHHHH!" Bloomer screeched like a little girl wailing. "MY HOI-POI CAPSULES! THEY'RE GONE! I MUST'VE DROPPED THEM IN THE RIVER!" Bloomer begins to cry his eyes out. "I lost my capsules! That means no gas, no house, no car! NOT EVEN A BIKE! I'M HELPLESS! HELPLESS!" Soon, Goku appears on her Flying Nimbus. "What's wrong with walking?" Goku asked.

"EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, MS. FLYING CLOUD!" Bloomer shouted. "Well, then why don't you tell Oolong to turn into a dyke?" Goku asked. Bloomer's spirits begin to catch up! First, he tells Goku that it's "bike" and now begins to call for Oolong, who is not there.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Bloomer shouted. "SHE'S GONE! That little piglet-bitch got away again!" As Goku and Bloomer begin calling for Oolong, the piglet herself is hiding near a rock. "Sorry, guys!" said Oolong, quietly. "But this piglet's too cute and beautiful to die in Fry-Pan Mountain!" Soon, as the search goes on, Bloomer begins to smile and snicker sinisterly. He had a plan.

"What's wrong, Bloomer?" Goku asked. Bloomer turned to the monkey-girl on the flying cloud and says with the utmost confidence: "Oh, nothing. It's just that I think I found a way to find Oolong!" Bloomer begins to turn to the sky and shouts to the heavens "SWEEEE! SWEEE! SWEEE!"

At Oolong's hiding place, the little piglet begins to feel a little trembling in her tummy. "Huh?" Oolong asked herself as she begins to run into the bushes. She had to take a dump! Eventually, Bloomer appears and laughs his head off. "Hey, Oolong!" said Bloomer. "Having a little trouble in the potty?" Oolong comes out of the bushes, angry!

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" shouted Oolong. "WHAT DIDJA DO TO ME?" Bloomer snickers some more, but eventually regains composure. "Remember that 'apology' candy I gave you?" Bloomer asked. "Well, that little sweet-tart was actually a 'swee-trot!' I yell out the word 'swee!' and you get the trots!" Oolong was pissed at the dirty trick Bloomer just pulled, but takes a deep breath and regain composure.

"All right, ya little brat!" said the bitter piglet. "Whadaya want me to do?"

"We need you to turn into a bike!" Bloomer answered. "Really? Is that all?" Oolong snidely asked. "Just do it before I say the 's-word' again!" Not wanting that to happen, Oolong swallows her pride and transforms into a tiny motorbike. "I said motor'bike', not motor'dork!'" Oolong tells Bloomer to shut up and get on. He does exactly that and the motorbike falls flat like a pancake.

"Oh, yeah!" said Oolong in a deadpan tone. "Forgot to tell you: No matter what form I take on, my strength stays the same. So, either I need to work out more or you need to drop some pounds." Both Oolong and Goku laugh before Bloomer kicks the Oolong motorbike into the water.

**Looks like our heroes are hoofing it….**

Now, Bloomer, Goku and Oolong are at a desert, where the heat is scorching and unbearable. Both Bloomer and Oolong are hot and extremely exhausted, while Goku appears quite fine and is impatient at how slow the others are going.

"What's taken' you guys so long?" Goku asked. Bloomer, out of breath and thirsty, tries to speak. "I'm…a city boy, remember..? Not some jungle woman…like…you, okay?" said Bloomer, who soon drops down to his butt. "Hey, Oolong? Isn't there like a…hotel…or inn or something?" Oolong turns the lavender haired boy and sarcastically answers "Yeah, sure. "The Hotel Wasteland!"

"NOOOOO!" wailed Bloomer, who is throwing his arms and kicking his legs around like a child. "IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR! I'M HUNGRY! I'M NEED A BATH! I CAN'T SLEEP WITHOUT A BED! WAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Oolong turns to the tantruming boy with annoyance. "Sheesh!" said Oolong, who turns to Goku. "Spoiled little brat, aint he?" Goku nods. Bloomer soon gets tired and falls into the sand, asleep. Oolong and Goku soon do the same.

Soon, at a nearby mountainside faraway from the scene, a little blue cat holding a telescope runs back into a cave. Inside a cave, which is filled with gold, treasure and other pleasures, a tanned-skinned, busty and athletic-looking girl, with long, messy black hair and about to be the same age as Bloomer is seen eating dinner. The blue cat is now climbing down, as if it has great news.

"Lady Yamcha!" cried the little cat. "Game! We've got Game!" Lady Yamcha stops eating and turns her attention to the cat. "Really?" said the girl. "It's been a while since we had a catch."

Both Yamcha and the cat head outside their cave. Yamcha grabs the cat's telescope and sees through it. "Huh? A girl and a pig, eh?" said Yamcha, who seems quite unimpressed. "They don't look like they're carrying much loot."

"But they might carry Hoi-Poi Capsules!" protested the cat. Yamcha soon stands up. "Puar! Start the bike! We're gonna get some capsules." Yamcha ordered. Now, Goku and Oolong are seen still sleeping. Goku's eyes start to open as she begins to feel something strange.

"Hey, Oolong" said Goku, trying to wake up the pig. "Yeah, what is it?" asked Oolong. "Do you feel that rumbling sound?" Oolong soon begins to feel the rumbling sound, too. Now, the piglet turns her attention to a shadowy figure that's coming closer. Oolong appears frightened, while Goku stands in wonder as the figure soon appears before them…

"Hello, strangers" said Yamcha as she hops off her bike. "Who are you?" Goku asked. "Me?" the bandit responded. "Why, I'm a queen hyena in a land of scavengers. The name's Yamcha!" Soon, Puar the little blue cat pops up. "And I'm Puar!" said the squeaky-voiced cat. "Y'know, I don't normally prey on babies, but if you hand over those capsules, I'll let you two live" Soon, Oolong stares at the blue cat and realizes something…

"Hey, I know you!" shouted Oolong, pointing at Puar. "You're Cry-baby Puar! We went to school together." Puar also notices the pig and begins to squeek! "Puar, you know her?" asked Yamcha. "Yeah! She was one of my students back in Shape-Shifting School! That is, until she got expelled for drilling holes on the back walls of the boy's shower rooms!"

"Yeah, and I wouldn't have gotten expelled if you weren't a tattle-tale!" Oolong snorted back. Puar begins taunting the pig with insults and sticking of the tongue. Soon, Yamcha steps in and backs Puar away.

"Okay, let's settle down" said Yamcha. "It's not my place to judge others, only to steal their valuables." Oolong steps up with an arrogant look on her face. "Listen, honey" said Oolong. "You may seem scary, but that monkey-tail girl over there can kick your ass to high heaven."

"Oh, really?" asked Yamcha as she pulls our her sword. Oolong, scared, runs and hides behind Goku, who begins to stand in a fighting position. "So, we get to fight now?" Goku asked with some excitement. "What do you think?" Yamcha responded as she lunges her sword at the monkey-tail girl, but Goku leaps up and lands behind the bandit.

"Hey!" said Yamcha. "How the hell you that?" Goku soon pulls out her staff, leaps up and lunges at Yamcha. However, the female bandit blocks it with her sword. "Th-that staff!" Yamcha thought. "Could it be?"

"Say, monkey girl!" the bandit shouted to Goku. "Yeah?" said the monkey-tailed girl. "That staff you carry…is that the Legendary Power Pole?" Yamcha asked. Goku nods and says "Yeah, it belonged to my gran'ma!"

"Really?" said Yamcha. "And who was your gran'ma?" Goku, with some pride in her voice, says "Son Goha." Yamcha now looks shocked. "Son Goha? The legendary female martial artist? I didn't know she had grandchildren, let alone children or even a husband! But, anyway, I have to be more careful this time." Goku, impatient, moans and groans until she shouts…

"HEY!" said Goku. "Weren't we fighting?" Yamcha snaps out of her thoughts and puts on a fighting pose. Soon, Goku puts her hand on her tummy and moans "I'm hungry." Soon, Yamcha begins to run towards the monkey girl. "It's been so long since I had some real competition…" thought Yamcha and then she shouts "WOLF-FANG FIST!"

Yamcha begins to throw a series of incredibly fast punches at Goku, before she kicks the monkey-tailed girl and sends her flying into some rocks. The bandit smirks at her work, while her companion Puar cheers from the sidelines. Oolong, on the other hand, looks frightened. Never before had she seen Goku get beat like that.

Now, Yamcha turns her attention to the little piglet, with a threatening look on her face. "Now, will you give me those capsules?" Yamcha asked with a false sense of sweetness in her voice. Oolong is scared to death. But, from out of the rubble…

"Hey! That wasn't fair!" said Goku as she stepped out of the rubble. Yamcha and Puar appear shocked and amazed; the little brat actually survived! Oolong, on the other hand, appears overjoyed. She was saved! "Goku! Goku!" said Oolong as she ran to the monkey-girl.

"Thank God you're alive!" said Oolong. "Turn these guys into mincemeat." Goku looks down on her stomach and moans. "Well, I'm really hungry, but I'll try." Soon, she walks up to Yamcha and stands in a fighting position. "You got some special moves." said Goku, with some praise in her tone towards the female bandit. "Now let me show ya mine!"

"Rock!" said Goku as she throws a fist that Yamcha blocks with another. "Scissors" said Goku as she uses her other hand to poke Yamcha's eyes out. "PAPER!" said Goku as she sends Yamcha flying with one little push. It was almost clear Goku was winning this fight. Yamcha eventually gets up, and gets ready to attack. Goku stands prepared. However, something strange happens…

"H-H-Hey! What the hell's all that noise? I'm trying to sleep!" Bloomer said as he awakes from his slumber, very cranky. Soon, Yamcha notices him and stops dead on her tracks. The city boy and the bandit stare eye to eye for a brief moment. Soon, the bandit girl begins blushing, giggling uncontrollably and eventually faints. Luckily, Puar comes and stops her fall.

"P-Puar, t-t-time for a…strategic…withdraw!" said Yamcha, who is trembling at the sight of Bloomer. Soon, the pair head out on their bike and ride off. Meanwhile, back to where Goku and co. are, Bloomer gets out of his cranky mood and appears to be head over heels.

"Who was that beautiful babe?" asked Bloomer, swooned by the bandit's appearance. "Oh, nothing" said Oolong sarcastically. "Just a babe who was trying to kill us." Bloomer begins to smirk a bit, somewhat impressed with what he just heard. "Oh, a bad girl, huh? I like those." said Bloomer, who receives a groan of annoyance and disgust from Oolong and a complaint of being hungry from Goku. Meanwhile, back at the lair of Yamcha…

"Are you alright, Lady Yamcha?" asked the worried blue cat to her mistress, who is still trembling. "I-I think I'm fine now. It's just…I-I-I always get like this when I see a boy. T-They're just so damned scary!"

** Huh? Y'know, it's kinda hard to create a female Yamcha where having a fear for boys means…something really bad happened to her. But, it's fun to do so! Anyways, be back soon for the next chapter!**


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